National spokesgay for the Colbert Report

Click the title. It's completely hysterical and completely un-PC

I (hope you) saw the news today

Today was an interesting day. Steve & I went down to the Join the Impact rally this afternoon. Some 25,000 marchers participated in the San Diego portion of a nationwide protest against the passage of Proposition 8. Early reports indicate that nearly 1,000,000 people participated in similar rallies in 300 cities nationwide.

Lots of speakers, lots of cheerful people in the audience, all determined to reverse the changes made to the California constitution on Nov. 4th.
Gloria Allred to spoke to finish off the day. Ms. Allred was one of the attorneys who argued before the California Supreme Court for the overturn of Proposition 22. We even got our picture taken with her. Unfortunately, all my pics & videos from earlier in the day got eaten by my camera. Call it technical difficulties (or, more likely, operator error).

Most of the speakers today focused on moving forward in a peaceful, non-violent way, asking the protesters to change the tone of the protests: stop the finger pointing, race-baiting and anti-religious demonization. We're asked, instead, to focus on the larger issue: re-establishing equal marriage rights for all Californians and, eventually, making sure that those rights are available for all Americans. I tend to agree with that POV, but I must say that I'm pretty much over the Shakespearean protestations of innocence being put out by the LDS and Catholic churches. If you play in the political arena, you can expect people to disagree with you. And if you try to take away people's rights, you can expect a fairly strong reaction. The church ladies know this, and I think they protest too much.

The day ended on a bizarre note. Steve & I took his mom out to our favorite cheap spaghetti place tonight (and proceeded to have penne, lasagna & rigatoni instead). On the way back to the car, we witnessed a drive-by hate crime. Three young white guys--in a late model BMW 3 series sedan--pulled up and egged a black man, right in front of us, yelling something along the lines of "Take that you f***ing n****r". They then sped off. All this poor guy was doing was taking a break from his bike ride home his second job by sitting at a bus stop. And along came three spoiled young scions of the East County aristocracy, may they wrap their car around a telephone pole. The sheriff came, in only 25 minutes. If only my piss poor vision wasn't, I'd have been able to get the license plate number, and there might be a different end to this story. The little bastards might think they've gotten away with it, but I'm watching--even if they didn't make the news today.

Special Comment

Keith Olberman gets it.

Text below.


SPECIAL COMMENT
By Keith Olbermann
Anchor, 'Countdown'
msnbc.com

Finally tonight as promised, a Special Comment on the passage, last week, of Proposition Eight in California, which rescinded the right of same-sex couples to marry, and tilted the balance on this issue, from coast to coast.

Some parameters, as preface. This isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics, and this isn't really just about Prop-8. And I don't have a personal investment in this: I'm not gay, I had to strain to think of one member of even my very extended family who is, I have no personal stories of close friends or colleagues fighting the prejudice that still pervades their lives.
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And yet to me this vote is horrible. Horrible. Because this isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics. This is about the human heart, and if that sounds corny, so be it.

If you voted for this Proposition or support those who did or the sentiment they expressed, I have some questions, because, truly, I do not understand. Why does this matter to you? What is it to you? In a time of impermanence and fly-by-night relationships, these people over here want the same chance at permanence and happiness that is your option. They don't want to deny you yours. They don't want to take anything away from you. They want what you want—a chance to be a little less alone in the world.

Only now you are saying to them—no. You can't have it on these terms. Maybe something similar. If they behave. If they don't cause too much trouble. You'll even give them all the same legal rights—even as you're taking away the legal right, which they already had. A world around them, still anchored in love and marriage, and you are saying, no, you can't marry. What if somebody passed a law that said you couldn't marry?

I keep hearing this term "re-defining" marriage. If this country hadn't re-defined marriage, black people still couldn't marry white people. Sixteen states had laws on the books which made that illegal in 1967. 1967.

The parents of the President-Elect of the United States couldn't have married in nearly one third of the states of the country their son grew up to lead. But it's worse than that. If this country had not "re-defined" marriage, some black people still couldn't marry black people. It is one of the most overlooked and cruelest parts of our sad story of slavery. Marriages were not legally recognized, if the people were slaves. Since slaves were property, they could not legally be husband and wife, or mother and child. Their marriage vows were different: not "Until Death, Do You Part," but "Until Death or Distance, Do You Part." Marriages among slaves were not legally recognized.

You know, just like marriages today in California are not legally recognized, if the people are gay.

And uncountable in our history are the number of men and women, forced by society into marrying the opposite sex, in sham marriages, or marriages of convenience, or just marriages of not knowing, centuries of men and women who have lived their lives in shame and unhappiness, and who have, through a lie to themselves or others, broken countless other lives, of spouses and children, all because we said a man couldn't marry another man, or a woman couldn't marry another woman. The sanctity of marriage.

How many marriages like that have there been and how on earth do they increase the "sanctity" of marriage rather than render the term, meaningless?

What is this, to you? Nobody is asking you to embrace their expression of love. But don't you, as human beings, have to embrace... that love? The world is barren enough.

It is stacked against love, and against hope, and against those very few and precious emotions that enable us to go forward. Your marriage only stands a 50-50 chance of lasting, no matter how much you feel and how hard you work.

And here are people overjoyed at the prospect of just that chance, and that work, just for the hope of having that feeling. With so much hate in the world, with so much meaningless division, and people pitted against people for no good reason, this is what your religion tells you to do? With your experience of life and this world and all its sadnesses, this is what your conscience tells you to do?

With your knowledge that life, with endless vigor, seems to tilt the playing field on which we all live, in favor of unhappiness and hate... this is what your heart tells you to do? You want to sanctify marriage? You want to honor your God and the universal love you believe he represents? Then Spread happiness—this tiny, symbolic, semantical grain of happiness—share it with all those who seek it. Quote me anything from your religious leader or book of choice telling you to stand against this. And then tell me how you can believe both that statement and another statement, another one which reads only "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

You are asked now, by your country, and perhaps by your creator, to stand on one side or another. You are asked now to stand, not on a question of politics, not on a question of religion, not on a question of gay or straight. You are asked now to stand, on a question of love. All you need do is stand, and let the tiny ember of love meet its own fate.

You don't have to help it, you don't have it applaud it, you don't have to fight for it. Just don't put it out. Just don't extinguish it. Because while it may at first look like that love is between two people you don't know and you don't understand and maybe you don't even want to know. It is, in fact, the ember of your love, for your fellow person just because this is the only world we have. And the other guy counts, too.

This is the second time in ten days I find myself concluding by turning to, of all things, the closing plea for mercy by Clarence Darrow in a murder trial.

But what he said, fits what is really at the heart of this:

"I was reading last night of the aspiration of the old Persian poet, Omar-Khayyam," he told the judge. It appealed to me as the highest that I can vision. I wish it was in my heart, and I wish it was in the hearts of all: So I be written in the Book of Love; I do not care about that Book above. Erase my name, or write it as you will, So I be written in the Book of Love."

Putting an end to the pity party

Just as I'm all set to go on feeling bitter... someone I know as an online acquaintance turns out to be a true friend. Earlier this morning, over on the political site, I was all set to go off on a trogdolyte who had come on board to gloat over the passage of Prop 8. On that thread, I pulled back from attacking the troll, apologized for being bitchy and went about my business.

I just took another look at that thread, in hopes of being able to post a rational reply, when I found this:

Jim, it's infuriating, but we're winning. This will be overturned. Of course, please do continue to go on about it, and I'm right there with you. I just want you to not feel so hurt anymore. You can see the fear in their eyes. It's 1962, and the Civil Rights Act is coming, and not all the sheriff's dogs can stop it. And you get to know that in advance.

Note to self: memorize the above, and refer to it every time I'm face-to-face with an idiot. At the very least, it'll help in preparing a measured response.

Every once in a while, you come across a random act of kindness that just touches you, and helps restore your optimism & belief in the basic goodness of people.

Thank you, Ricky, for putting an end to this episode of the pity party. (and perhaps a few of the future ones, too.)

And then I calmed down a little (more political stuff)

And a post from yesterday, at that same political site. I was replying to a person who was using the quote below as evidence that "blacks" were responsible for the passage of Prop 8.

CNN is reporting that seventy percent of blacks voted for this amendment.
Without the black vote this amendment would not have passed.
Whites were slightly leaning towards it, while asians and latinos were split.

Shannikka at Daily Kos has something interesting to say on this:

Analysis of Black Vote Results on Prop 8

Bottom line, based on the writer's analysis of the number of registered black voters in Californa, even if ALL of those black voters had voted "yes" on 8, Prop 8 would have won by 80,000 votes.

I don't know about the accuracy of the population counts, or the validity of the analysis of the numbers (I leave that to the statisticians amongst us), but if these numbers are in anyway valid, I suggest that the "the blacks are responsible" argument should be dropped.

Even if the numbers are completely off, the fact remains that the vast majority of voters who voted against Prop 8 were white.

Draw whatever conclusions you will from that.

As to the "unfairness" of targeting the LDS Church, I submit that providing 50% to 70% percent of the funding of Yes on 8 removes the "un" from the equation. Especially in light of the (from a Catholic perspective, I don't know what else to call it) pastoral letter published by the LDS hierarchy back in June, which strongly encouraged Mormons to donate & be active in the fight against Prop 8. The out of proportion effect (in comparison to their actual numbers) of the Mormon participation in the Yes on 8 campaign feeds right into my previous statements re: accepting the consequences of entering the political arena.

Specifically, if a Church (or anyone, for that matter) enters into a political discourse, they must be prepared to accept the consequences of someone disagreeing with them. Which explains why there are demonstrations going on in front of Mormon temples across the state. Yes, I'm angry at the Mormons who voted for Prop 8--but I'm also angry at EVERYONE who voted for it. From my perspective, it's not a religious issue, but a fundamental rights issue. ALL of us are affected, one way or another.

Ultimately, I don't think any one group was responsible for the passage of Prop 8. I believe the No on 8 campaign dropped the ball--for example, by failing to show that, hey, married gay couples aren't all that scary. (I simplify). Catholics, blacks, Hispanics, Mormons, Asians, Evangelicals of various stripes, Whites and, yes, gays and lesbians, all share that responsibility. Proceed from there, without bias or bigotry.

RANT MODE - ON (in which I get political)

On Tuesday night, I published the following on a political site I in which I participate. By Wednesday morning, I'd calmed down (a bit), and was able to write the Still Married post. This morning, I find myself leaning towards the angry & bitter again. Per my husband, it seems that someone in the San Diego media has unfortunately put a microphone in front of Rev. Jim Garlow, one of the San Diego lumpen-preacher-tariat. Evidently, Rev. Garlow has made it clear that he intends to go after the 18,000 marriages that took place between June and November--and he's looking for volunteers to help him. Which leads to the following:

RANT MODE : ON

This one is killing me. A San Diego spokesman for Prop 8 just started talking on our local NBC station about going after the marriages that have already been performed.

I'm ****-ing sick of this ****.

Protect marriage from what? A group of people desperate to HONOR the traditions we come from, despite the prejudice and discrimination we've received for decades. Hell, yes, I'm bitter. Only 30% of the vote is in--and already my marriage is being threatened.

I guess 3 1/2 weeks of full citizenship is all I could have counted on.

Don't tell me it isn't bigotry. That's not the perspective I've got, now that same sons of bitches that want to ban future gay marriages are telling me that next, it's my turn.

All I ask is consistency. For 30 odd years, the mantra I've heard from the right & the religious has been gays are evil, promiscuous & unable to sustain a relationship.

I'm 20 years into my relationship, god-dammit. And now, after 3 1/2 weeks of finally, finally being married, some slimy son of a bitch, self righteous & self serving pig wants to take it away from me. Well **** you. And **** you LDS Church, **** you Focus on the Family and **** you Knights of Columbus. Salt Lake City, Colorado Springs & New York have no ****ing business trying to change California law.

And **** our damned governor & President elect. One of 'em had a ****ing responsibility to do something more than making a statement of support 5 months ago, the other had an opportunity to help set an example of change for the nation, and both of them chose expediency over civil rights.

Thanks, guys, way to lead your state & set an example for your nation.

I'm holding the onto slimmest of hopes that the numbers change over night. Take a look at my blog. Read the ceremony, it's posted right there. Then tell me where I'm wrong on this.

If you think I'm going too far with the above: I challenge you to explain how telling approximately 10% of the people in California that they are to become permanently second class citizens is fair, equitable or, for that matter, constitutional. Then explain how it's fair, equitable or, for that matter, constitutional to go after the legally acquired rights of the 18,000 same sex couples who've gotten married in the last 4 1/2 months. Tell me how it's not religious bigotry & fear run amok.

Look in the ****-ing mirror and tell me.

RANT MODE: OFF


I'm off off to bed, where I hope I can sleep. Maybe in the morning I'll feel like apologizing. Then, again, maybe not.

The passage of Prop 8 is not about restoring or preserving the meaning of marriage. It's about destroying the possibility of marriage for loving couples, and, according to the spokesman I heard tonight, it's also about going after marriages that have meaning--and denigrating them; denying the validity of the relationships that underly those marriages & diminishing the most basic, fundamental civil rights of the people involved.

I've edited the above a little, for clarity.

Still married

We lost last night. By 500,000 votes of well over 10,000,000 cast. Multiple lawsuits have been filed, in an attempt to throw out Prop 8 . We'll see if they work. There is precedent, but it's rarely invoked. The logic behind throwing out Prop 8 is there, but I don't know if the justices are there yet.

Meanwhile, I know this much: I am married. To the man of my dreams.

I have his love and support, and the love and support of my family and friends.

That's what matters.

The anger and bitterness will pass.

And I'll still be married.

Yes on 8 supporters will try, and may succeed in, revoking my marriage, along with nearly 16,000 others. It'll be heartless and soulless.

And I'll still be married, in my heart and soul.

It may be 20 years before my nieces and nephews can, if necessary, take advantage of truly bias free marriage laws in California. It may take 40 years for the rest of the nation to catch up to where California was 2 days ago.

But I'll still be married.

Because I vowed to love, honor and cherish, til death do us part. I meant it on October 12th. I mean it today, tomorrow, and for all the tomorrows Steven and I have left on this earth together. And, if we're lucky, beyond then.

I don't know what the future will bring, but I know this: we're still married.

VOTE NO ON 8

What are you doing looking here, today of all days?

Get out and vote No on Prop 8.




Thank you.

Halloweenies, I have a question for you

Every year, the hordes descend upon our neighborhood. We live in the flats, with houses that are located right up close to the street. So veritable van loads of children, dressed up in their Halloween finery, tromp up our driveway. Multitudes of Batmen & Cinderellas, mini-Freddie Kreugers, and legions of petite little fairies. You'd think it was the Castro.

But it's not. We're in El Cajon. James Dobson of Focus on the Family got his start here at Shadow Mountain Church, not much more than three miles or so from our house.

For the most part, El Cajon is a conservative, family-oriented community, so every year we go through a dozen or more big bags of candy. M&M's, Snickers, Milky Way, Crunch Bars, and Smarties. This year, for the first time, we handed out Snyders mini-pretzels along with the candy. They proved to be especially popular with the six to seven year old kids. It makes me wonder if enabling the salt / sugar cycle should be a crime.

I love to get the kids yelling:

Kid(s), mumbling: trick or treat

Me: I can't hear you.

Kid(s): Trick or Treat.

Me: I still can't hear you.

Kid(s): TRICK OR TREAT!

Me: That's more like it!

Then I hand out two or three pieces of candy to each smiling child. Most, if not all, laugh & even say "Thank you"--which is one of the benefits of being in a family-oriented community.

This year, though, we've got extra candy laying around the house--four bags of it. That's four more than we usually have left. Most years, I have to run out to the store to buy a couple of extra bags. This year, however, Steven, his mom, & I actually watched groups of kids being led past our house. Several times we heard "Let's go to the next house." I hope it's not the two "No on 8" signs in the yard, which would be too bad for the kids: the neighbors on both sides of us weren't home tonight.

Unfortunately, East County San Diego is a hotbed of support for Prop 8. The Caster Family is based in El Cajon. Funded by their A-1 Storage franchises, the Caster Family Enterprises and their Family Discipleship Ministries, they are some of the largest private donors to the Yes on 8 campaign.

Which leads to my question for the Halloweenies that walked past the house without stopping:

If you walked past the house because of your beliefs, what are you doing out celebrating a pagan holiday?

I'm just asking.

On the other hand, more than once, we heard people comment:

"Look, they have 'No on 8' signs in their yard! Cool."

So there may be hope for at least some of the kids.

Sometimes, it's all good

I've been a little busy this week. Last night I was at the Vince Gill concert (that man can sing!), Monday & tonight, I was at the No on Prop 8 San Diego headquarters, doing data entry re: volunteer scheduling for the few remaining days until the election. I was entering sign up sheets & noticed that the last 1/2 of the night I was entering faith-based volunteers.

It reminded me that not all religious folk are for Prop 8. The entries I made included volunteers from the Metropolitan Community, Methodist, Unitarian, and Episcopal churches. Thank God for them. In a weird way, they, and the volunteers I worked with tonight are restoring my faith in the common decency of everyday Californians. The Yes On 8 campaign has been pretty ugly what with exploitation of children that's been going on and the blackmail attempts. It wasn't a gay exclusive crowd, either: there were all sorts of people there--gay, straight, black, hispanic, white, kids, grandparents--all of them concerned for the future of California. All of them convinced that Prop 8 is wrong and unfair. I take comfort in knowing that there are people out there that get it.

I take even more comfort knowing I have the support of a loving family as Steven & I set out on our married life together. Take a look at the pictures--the wedding party officially included both of my brothers and two each of my nieces and nephews (my youngest niece was an unofficial member of the party.) I've lost count of the number of kids my siblings have generated, but there's two more on the way--one is due next month, and just today, I found out there's another due in June. This time next year, I think the count will be 15. I have hope for their futures, and pray that all of them will be free to marry the spouse of their dreams, just like their uncles did. By voting No on Prop 8 next Tuesday, you'll help ensure that choice.